Monday, November 3, 2008

[ unexpected emotions ]

I'm not even sure how to explain what I'm feeling today after such an emotionally exhausting weekend. I have felt everything from frustration, disbelief, sadness, fear, sorrow and humility. For those of you who don't know, my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer on Saturday for the second time. It's been 7 years since she was first diagnosed, however the emotions I felt then have come rushing back all too quickly as if it had happened yesterday. My Mom has had way more than her share of trials throughout her life, so I guess we were all hoping that when it came to cancer she was finished with it. We don't know all of the details yet about the two tumors that were found and are waiting for the results to come back in order for decisions to be made as to what needs to be done.

Right now I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like if I just keep moving and keep going on with life that maybe all of this is just a bad dream and will go away. Although I also feel that if I keep going and don't think about it that I'm being insensitive, so it's kind of a catch. Definitely weird not knowing what is going to happen and still being in shock at the same time. I feel like I have to be strong for my siblings and supportive for my Mom by holding back the tears. Then I find myself having moments where I can't pretend anymore that it's all going to be okay and thankfully John is the amazing husband that he is and picks up the pieces when the tears come. He has been so encouraging and uplifting since we've found out the news, so that's helped out tremendously. It probably sounds like I'm the one who has cancer by the way I'm talking, but at this point each member of my family feels like we have it because we know we're all in this together, if that makes sense.

However, after saying all of that... I do know that my Mom can get through this, and I know that my family can do this again because we've done it before. I also know that Heavenly Father is aware of my family's situation and is watching over us. I know that power of prayer is real and that through faith and with hope prayers are answered. I know that it doesn't necessarily mean that everything will go the way we want them to, but it means that we will be able to get through this together and that Heavenly Father won't give us anything we can't handle. It's hard to say that even though I know it's true because I know it's going to be hard on everyone before it gets easier.

Well, I'll be sure to update as soon as we get more information. I think I should probably stop here before I start rambling on. Thanks for listening and for those of you who have called me, I truly appreciate it!

10 comments:

Alison said...

Amy! Please give my love to your mom and SERIOUSLY CALL ME if you need anything! ANYTHING AT ALL!! Your family will be in our prayers! loves!

Erin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My mom just told me last night. Just make sure that you have someone you can let your frustrations and emotions out to. I understand having to be strong for everyone, but if you keep it in it will take it's toll. So maybe use your wonderful husband to be your strength to turn to and let all your tears out. My thoughts and prayers are with your family!

Shannon said...

Amy it makes total sense that you talk as if you have it too....My mom has MS and we all have MS. Because we are all in it, and we are all VERY affected by it, as you all are. We say, regarding MS, that it's almost like an unwelcomed member of the family. Please leave!

The love your family. Love your mom. You are a strong family, and will get through this. BUT cry, grieve, and go through whatever emotions you need to.

We'll keep you all in our prayers!

Carolyn Cox said...

Hey, thanks for updating your blog. I have been wondering how you were taking the news. I tried calling yesterday, but I left a message (I don't know if you got it or not). I hope you know that I will always be available to talk to. I love you, and I know that Heavenly Father is watching over your family!

Matt and Cristina said...

I love you Amy! Thanks for sharing your feelings. I've had some of the same emotions. I definitely agree that your mom has had her fair share of trials. Call me anytime you want/need to talk.

Jeff, Traci and Kaden said...

Amy, I'm so sorry to hear that your family is going through this hard time. You are such a strong person. If there is anything I can do for you guys, please let us know!

Tiffany Floyd said...

Amy. So sorry to hear your news. We will be remembering your mom and your whole family in our prayers. I miss you so much. We love you guys.

Adam & Leesha Wickern said...

Hey Am,
Sounds like you are struggling quite a bit with this still. You always try to tell me on the phone that you are doing just fine, but I usually can see right through you. I love you Amy!!!

Amy said...

Thanks everyone for the support, I truly appreciate it! I really am doing good for the most part, it's just moments here and there that are really hard at times. I'll let you know if I need anything, but until then, I appreciate your prayers and concern! Love you guys!

Jeff and Kayci Bitton said...

Amy, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine how you are feeling! You are strong and we will keep you in our prayers!